Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide
by SilverRay
Summary: Eternal Sorrowful Memories. He killed her mother & brother. When she awakens she meets some of the supernatural. After accepting the fact that she can't change what happened she joins with them to protect those humans who haven't been touched by the curse
1. The Day I Lost So Much

I remember that day so clearly it scares me somewhat

YES MINNA another story. (everyone sighs) ^^;;;;; This story comes from Reading. I wrote it well skimmed down A LOT. So I said I was going to write the full version soon. Well here it is. But what happens is that I turned in my mere 15 pages of the story and then it turns out it was the longest in the class. ^^;;;. The lucky person who got to read it only got to read three pages. (gomen ne Chibi Nate Chan) So here it is in full and my first attempt in the supernatural. So bear with me and help me by correcting any mistakes I have in this. When I say mistakes I mean with supernatural info not my typos and grammar. I'm only 13 give me a break. Well actually 13 and four days. So I hope you like this. A little bit dark and a tiny bit of romance letting you know now. September 17, 2001 11:22 pm but I wrote it on the 13th. 

**I've Lost So Much**

**Prologue **

**The Day I Lost So Much**

I remember that day so clearly it scares me somewhat. The day I lost so much. It hurts to think about it and no one believes me, that's what hurts the most. It happened so long ago when I was sixteen. I was walking home from school and I had this ominous feeling that something was going to happen. But of course I didn't want to think about it. The sun was smiling as usual but clouds seemed present, birds chirped filling the air with a lovely song but it all held a pang of sadness. The warm breeze blew past me it was almost painfully hot almost like someone's breath against my skin. Something horrible lingered everywhere. The shadows seemed longer, the people seemed further away, almost like no one could help you. I never felt more alone in my life.

I arrived home and pulled out my key to open the door. "I'm home!" I called. My voice seemed to echo down a long empty cavern, but it was just the foyer of my house and that wasn't that big. I pulled off my shoes, like always. Everything seemed normal but then again out of place. But where was my mother? She was always home to greet me when I came home. I stepped up the two steps into the hallway. "Kaasan?" I called, unsure. Fear filled and consumed my voice. I was scarred. She would have left a note in the foyer if she went out shopping.

I looked into the kitchen first. It smelled like Kaasan had been baking cookies. I stepped in and almost slipped on something. It wasn't like Kaasan to leave water spilled on the floor. I looked down and almost screamed. The scream fought to come out of my throat almost threatening to break free of the barrier I had tried to put up. Blood. I stepped back my socks leaving the print of blood on the hardwood floor. I looked back at the blood stain, I was about to cry but I couldn't. It could be red food coloring, yes hope. Kaasan used food coloring all the time to bake cookies. The liquid was thicker than food coloring had ever been. I hastily threw off my socks and ran back to the foyer to pull on my slippers. I slowly walked back to the kitchen. The sight of the blood scarred me. I didn't know if it was my mother's blood. It was the unknown that scarred me, most likely everyone. 

I stepped over the blood stain and into the kitchen. I saw another one but this one scarred me even more. Since I stepped into the other pool of liquid I didn't notice something but I saw it in this one. It was a paw print most likely belonging to a dog or a wolf. But wolves are never in the city and we didn't own a dog. Then I saw more. I stepped around the breakfast table, following the blood trail. Then I saw her…my mother's body. A strangled scream came out of my throat. It was my mother. "Kaasan," I whispered softly, tears streaming from my eyes. "Kaasan!" I knew sobs had escaped my throat.

"Usagi!" I heard my brother call me. I stood up and spun around. I saw something rush by the kitchen door, a blur of brown. 

"SHINGO!" I screamed. I heard him scream and I was out of the kitchen in seconds only to see him being torn apart by the brown wolf. I didn't care and ran straight for it. I was blinded by tears, the thought that I had lost my mother and just the sight that could bring my brother's death. He was twelve! He had his life ahead of him. I didn't care about myself. All those names he had called me in his lifetime and all those annoying things he had ever done to me didn't matter anymore. He was my brother. And no matter how much I denied it sometimes, I really did love him. I didn't want him to leave without me fighting for him. 

My shoulder slammed into the wolf. I almost seemed to bounce off as if I was a rubber ball bouncing off a wall. I hit the wall painfully. It was strong and I knew I wasn't the strongest person in school or maybe the household but determination of loss drove me on. The wolf ignored me. I had never seen a brown wolf in all my life. Then it turned to me, its eyes flashing a bluish color. It turned back to Shingo. I struggled to my feet, my back aching painfully from the impact against the wall. It lunged towards Shingo baring its fangs. "SHINGO!" I screamed. He didn't move, blood was pooled around him and I was afraid that he was already dead. 

The wolf snatched Shingo's neck in its jaws. "IIIEEEE!" I screamed as loud as I could. My eyes widened, blood splattered everywhere. I felt my throat hoarse, I was screaming. I couldn't stop myself and when the wolf turned to me its eyes changed to a blue color. Royal blue maybe or perhaps cobalt blue or was it turquoise or was it Prussian blue, I couldn't see very well because of the tears in my eyes. Then the wolf dropped down to his knees and right before my eyes it turned into a boy. He couldn't be much older than me. He was dressed in torn jeans and a white shirt. The boy was on his knees and his hands were in the blood of my brother. He looked at me and that was when I collapsed. The loss of everything was too much, pain inside of me and outside. Then the world disappeared into blackness. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yes it's very short. I know basically how I want the rest to go. So bear with me and hopefully I'll be writing a lot. ^^ Betrayal at Moon's Peak will be going pretty slow. So um I'm warning you know now that I won't be working as diligently on that story as some of my others. ^^ If you all really like it I'll type and type to work on it until my fingers fall off. Then I can use my toes! Well um JA! September 17, 2001 11:35 pm. My reading teacher said it was a little bit bloody, yeah right she should see Wayward. This is nothing compared to that. But hey I got an A+ on this. ^^


	2. Unfortunate Humans

I've Lost So Much

Hiddy Ho minna san! Just letting you know I hope to continue the detail streak somewhat in this chapter. Oh and this chapter won't be in Usagi's POV or at least not all of it. It's kind of hard to work from a character POV. Maybe when I get better at writing I can do a full story in first person. I'm glad I got so many reviews! I would have been happy with one! Also, somehow I've been trying to work in some of my beliefs into the characters. If you don't like some parts I totally understand because everyone thinks differently. But letting you know that the next chapter of Through New Eyes is going to be out a while from now. My ane-chan and I have the perfect ending for it. So I'll stop talking and get on with this story. I hope you like it. September 24, 2001 9:32 pm. 

**I've Lost So Much**

**Chapter One**

**Unfortunate Humans**

** **

My father died when I was seven. I cherish every memory I have of him. Though sometimes it is hard to come up with the memories since he was on business trips all the time. He worked for some software company but whenever he came home he would bring me something teddy bears, bells, dresses, anything he could so he could try to make up for the time he was away. Of course nothing was like having him there with me always to tuck me in at night, give me a good night kiss, drink his coffee in the morning. So many things everyone takes advantage of and then it's taken away from you or was never there.

He died in a plane crash. My mother was heart broken and we all mourned together. I was seven and I have to admit I didn't understand it all too well then. But when you see your friends laughing with their dads, begging for that CD, having ice cream…you just realize everything you've missed out in life. All because you didn't have your dad there with you. I can't speak for everyone but I speak for myself and most likely Shingo too. Well I'm sure he thought differently about it too. 

My mother. She was always there for me, trying to play the role of both parents, support us financially, and run the house. We have a pretty big house for living so near the city. I had a job at the arcade/ice cream parlor to help my mom pay for things but since I was still in school it wasn't too easy. She always told me that I didn't have to worry myself over these things and be a teenager. It's hard though seeing your mom worn out and tired when she comes home but always manages to be there for you when you come home. I feel guilty now looking back. I didn't do much to help her in the end. I wish I could say that I was sorry and say 'I love you kaasan' one last time. One last time and have her hug me in comfort. No more, never ever again.

Shingo, my otooto. I admit we fought a lot and called each other every name we could have possibly dreamed. We sometimes went out of our way to make fun of each other and refuse to help the other. In short, I was a brat. I was selfish, never helping him with his homework, never getting him that can of soda. I should have been more supportive, more caring, more understanding, being the ane-chan I should have been…when I had the chance. Now that he's gone I wish I could have told him that I loved him and he was the best little brother anyone could have ever asked for. So many things you want to do when you can't…I should have done them when I could, when he could have heard my words. But now, no I'll never be able to do these things. 

Usagi's eyes slowly fluttered open. She saw white. A white ceiling. It was a dream? A dream? Was she safe at home, late for school like any other day? She bolted upright in her the bed, her back began to screech at her to stop. The golden haired girl nearly cried out in pain, clenching her eyes shut as tight as she could. She fought back tears as she slowly eased herself back against the soft bedding. No it wasn't her room, no she wasn't safe, no it hadn't been a dream. It had been real. So real…so painful. She was alone in the world now. No one alive for her and she had brought all of their deaths. 

She was brought out of her thoughts as the door slowly opened. Only then did she decide to inspect the room she was in. Expensive furnishings adorned the room. Everything seemed so delicate, so detailed. White and wood was the two main things that covered the room. It seemed classical, the style from Europe during the…romantic era or was it the Victorian. She didn't know. It all looked so beautiful. Usagi took notice of the boy that entered the room she was occupying. No words were spoken as he walked across the room and set down a tray on the table. He was pale in complexion and….no it wasn't him who killed her family. 

"I'm glad to see that you're awake," he stated not looking up from the tray. He appeared to be mixing together a powder and a liquid. The liquid appeared to be water. A steaming bowl of soup was also on the tray. Usagi didn't reply but merely watch him at his task intently. The boy shifted a glance at her a few times through out his work. After he was finished, the liquid was a thick milky white. "You might want to drink this," he held the bowl out a bit for her to take. 

The golden haired girl stared at it. "What is it?" she asked. She took the bowl but stared at it warily. "What's in it?" 

The boy stepped back and took a glass of water from the tray. She hadn't seen it earlier. "It tastes pretty bad but it'll help your back injuries. It's bruised fairly bad and it looks really nasty. We've been giving it to you throughout the past week. But I think the unconscious didn't taste it."

"Week?" she questioned. "We? Who else is there?" 

A smile slipped across his face, slightly sad though. "You'll meet them soon enough. My name's Quatre. I'm human so…"

"Human!" Usagi nearly shrieked. "What are there aliens?! You don't mean to-"

Quatre's face became serious. "Miss please keep it down. Some of them have sensitive hearing and I'd rather not them get mad." Usagi stared at him, her face somewhat blank. She didn't understand still. "You'll understand soon," he continued as if he had read her thoughts. He nudged the bowl of the thick creamy liquid towards her face. "You better drink it, I'm sure you would want to be on your feet sooner. Judging from your appearance when I came in you had tried to get up." He shook his head. "Don't try it again, you might hurt yourself further." 

Usagi nodded slowly. She stared down at the milky liquid before pressing the rim of the bowl against her mouth. After a moment and an inward shrug she tried to swallow the whole thing at once. She succeeded in two. It was horrible, bitter, sour, the texture, the taste, everything about it. She grasped the glass of water from Quatre's hand and hastily drank it as fast as she could. The whole glass of water was gone. The taste was still in her mouth since water didn't mask it very well. Her eyes fell on the soup and she lunged at it. Usagi grabbed the spoon and hastily ate it. When she was done, she could still taste it in her mouth though certainly not as strong as it was earlier. 

She felt oddly tired. "When will I meet them?" she whispered softly. It was most likely something in the powder that Quatre had mixed into the liquid. 

The Arabian moved about collecting everything together so he could take them out of the room. "Soon," he replied. He lifted the tray up. "Until then, rest." As if he had casted a spell Usagi drifted off to sleep. The blond haired boy nodded in satisfaction and left the room so the girl could rest. He had to wait until the others returned. He wondered what they would say of her. She seemed to mean to harm and she was just someone caught up in the whole mess of the supernatural. She was... another unfortunate human. An unfortunate human…just like himself. 

I never understood why…why it happened to me. I know I'm a curse, there is more than enough evidence of that but of course I would rather not speak of those experiences. Who would really speak of them those horrible memories. But sometimes I wonder, why do they suffer because of me? Everyone, everything. I still don't understand. But one thing I do understand is the term unfortunate human. Human is nearly spat in the situation we have been dropped into. I am human…no was human.

Her bare feet gently padded against the hardwood floor. She had wrapped a blanket tightly around her covering whatever clothing they had given her. She was hopelessly lost. The girl had found the stairs down but now she wasn't sure where she was. She turned and made her way to her right. Her face brightened a little but immediately fell back into sadness as she remembered what situation she was in. Her steps were quiet as she slowly made her way to the large room that laid ahead. It was grand, expensive, and a bit delicate in its design and furnishings. She supposed whoever owned this place was rich. Also adding in when she was hopelessly lost in the cold somewhat drafty mansion, it was large, very large. Her eyes fell on the people occupying the room. 

All eyes were on her. They were studying her, watching her movements, it was almost as if for the period of time she allowed them, she was their specimen. She scanned them herself taking in their appearances and learning as much as could right then and there. She already met Quatre when she woke up. Sitting beside him was a tall boy with brown hair and piercing emerald green eyes. She shivered the slightest bit at how strong they were, almost as if they were looking right through her. Her eyes moved to another boy. He was Chinese with black hair slicked back into a tight holding ponytail and a scowl was plastered on his face. She shifted her eyes once more to fall on an obviously American boy. He seemed to be screaming 'I'm American! Look at me!' with his stance, position, and look. He noticed her gaze his way and flashed her a grin. She made no move in reply. Her gaze settled on the last boy sitting by himself. 

At first she wanted to say that he was lonely but he seemed to be trying to avoid any attention without becoming a chair. He still stared intently at her more so than the boy with emerald eyes. His eyes were colder and most certainly duller than her own. It almost looked as if he was trying to see inside of her rather than looking through her. She shivered a little bit. It seemed as if the blanket wasn't enough to ward off the chill that had filled the air. She tried to match his gaze as if she was part of a staring contest. Then realization and remembrance dawned upon her mind. "You," she whispered her voice almost accusing though no one could hear it nor did anyone really notice that she was speaking. She ran over to him with such speed everyone and herself was surprised for a moment before realizing that she had taken hold of his shoulders. 

"You killed them!" she nearly screamed. She felt tears coming forth from her eyes. She hadn't cried until now. Grief began to consume her soul. "DOUSHITE!" he stared at her his face impassive. He seemed not to care but his eyes held something as if it was all a game, all just something fun for him, to amuse him when he was bored. "Do you even care?" she questioned her voice lowering from the scream it had been earlier. 

He stared at her, not emotions showing on his face. "ANSWER ME!" she cried somewhat desperately. He stared at her letting a small smirk play on his lips. She raised her hand in order to slap him but he caught it before it could make its descent. He twisted her arm around painfully, making her cry out in pain. Tears swarm in her eyes as he twisted it more. A strangled cry of pain escaped her throat once more. 

He yanked her towards his body. "I do as I please," he whispered into her ear. He released her arm and she stumbled back rubbing the purple marks his fingers had left on her arm. She glared at him harshly silently vowing not to speak to a bastard like him again. 

"Miss Usagi daijoubu ka?" she turned her head at Quatre's question. She nodded slowly not really sure if her arm would come off the next second or not. She offered a shaky smile. 

"Daijoubu," she replied softly, blinking back the tears of pain. She watched as Quatre shot the boy a disapproving glance. The boy made no reply of any kind. She slowly stumbled towards a couch, her back began screeching in pain. Pain dug through her back as it clawed slowly up her spine.She felt herself falling and she landed partially on the couch with her body slowly dragging down to the floor. Her skin burned as it ran across the fabric of the couch reminding her of rug burn. Strong arms picked her up and gently set her on the couch. "Arigato," she whispered her eyes began forming tears once more with new pain. 

"It's all right," she heard the person reply. "Take it easy Usagi. You're lucky Hiiro didn't bite you…that would have been more of a difficult case." 

Her head bobbed up and down slowly in response. She wanted to ask why but she could grasp a hold onto her voice, having it continuously slipping out of her grasp as if she was trying to grab air. She closed her eyes hearing a song far away come to her ear. So soft so gentle, so familiar. It swirled around her a familiar woman's voice gently called to her in a soft graceful song. 

(didn't write it, don't own it, it's a translation. I didn't translate it either)

Someday shining - believing is just that

It currently gives me the courage to live on

Blown by the winds of the ages

Groping around for tomorrow

Darkness spreads, and only worries

Keep welling up

I'll never forget

To grasp happiness

It is most important to not give up

I will definitely find bright feelings

When I get over the sea of tears

Someday I will find, and the unyielding future

Will lead dreams to a world full of light

As if blocking a road in the distance

The clouds hide the stars

My strength in living

Is secretly being tested now

Even the overflowing sadness

is a gift from the sky

Wishes won't be granted by just waiting

I will definitely find bright feelings

When I get over the sea of tears

Someday I will find, and the unyielding future

Will lead dreams to a world full of light

To share joy

With someone I was able to meet

I walk straight ahead, using daybreak as my guide

I'll never forget

To grasp happiness

It is most important to not give up

It will shine, such feelings

I embrace in my heart

Someday shining - believing is just that

It currently gives me the courage to live on

Usagi opened her eyes once more to meet cobalt blue eyes. She felt something in her throat and immediately began coughing sputtering the foreign substance everywhere. Words soothed and comforted her. Eventually she stopped coughing but there was an awful taste left in her mouth and some of it still remained reminding her of what it was. She groaned and leaned back resting her mildly aching back against the soft pillows. She finally noticed that she was in her room. She closed her eyes for a moment enjoying the comfort of the bed. "How are you feeling?" a voice called her back into where she was. 

She opened her eyes once more. "I'm feeling better," she replied softly. 

"Like I said earlier," the boy moved to a tray on her nightstand covered with bowls filled with different substances. "You're lucky you weren't bitten otherwise our situation would be very different right now." 

"What do you mean?" she questioned a bit hesitantly. He stared at her for a moment studying her puzzled expression. A small smile appeared on his face. "I mean why am I so lucky?"

The boy twirled his braid around for a few minutes before replying. She watched his chestnut hair whirl around and shifted her gaze to his face. He seemed in deep thought. "Because then you'd be one of the damned like us. You'd be a werewolf." 

The golden haired girl pondered this for a moment. "Who are you and what are you?" she asked. She tilted her head to the side in a questioning curious gaze. If Hiiro was a werewolf and he killed her family, what was this boy? 

"My name is Duo," he held out his hand and a grin overcame his face. "I'm a werewolf like Hiiro. Wufei and Trowa are vampires and Quatre is an unfortunate human." He counted on his fingers briefly. "Yeah that's right. You're still human though right?" Duo placed his hand against her forehead. It was a cool and gentle touch that was almost soothing. She closed her eyes for a moment until he took his hand away. "Yeah you're human." 

Usagi nodded slowly. Not quite understanding what he meant. She pondered her situation over again wondering what she would do once she got better. Her fingers began drumming against the covers of the bed. She wondered how much money she had, well had now that her mother had died. Usagi decided that she would sell the house. She wouldn't live in a house where her mother and brother died in right before her eyes.She would buy a little apartment for herself to live in. She pulled her legs to her chest slowly. "I want to go home," she whispered softly. 

Duo lifted his head up. "I never wanted all this to happen, it was just a normal day at school. Doushite? Doushite? DOUSHITE!! I NEVER-" the braided boy clamped his hand over her mouth, muffling her cries. 

"Usagi it's all right," he whispered comforting as if soothing a child who had awaken from a nightmare. "It's all right." He took the girl into his arms and rocked her back and forth comfortingly, just like her father used to do. She clenched her eyes shut and held a firm grasp on a bundle of fabric from his shirt. She let her tears fall letting out the pain of loss. "It's all right," he whispered gently. "It's just a dream, just a dream," he lied. He felt the girl slowly weakened her grasp and her tears didn't fall as hard. "Just a dream." 

"Just a dream," she echoed somewhat dazed. Just closed her eyes making the thought as true as she could. "Just a horrible dream." 

The braided boy nodded letting the girl close her eyes and fall asleep in his arms. Her hand dropped away from its hold on his shirt leaving the fabric in a wrinkled star. He gently brushed away stray strands of her sun kissed hair and laid her down on the bed pulling the sheets over her sleeping form. Even though Hiiro didn't have complete control over himself when he was a werewolf, he went too far. He rarely took innocent lives in his werewolf form but he dragged her into this mess. She was another unfortunate human pulled in because of him. Duo wished that he could do something to make the golden haired girl's life as wonderful as it could be. He wished that she wouldn't end up like them, one of the damned. 

That day was just the start of everything for me. The start of the curse coming true and whirling its magic around making everyone's life horrible. But now that I look back, it was a wonderful thing that brought us together and tore us apart. Friend, enemy, love, hate, dream, reality, you don't know what's what in this world. I found that out too late. Too late and that is what tore us apart. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Not much of a cliffe but that's ok. Strange story ne? Totally stupid right? I'll try my best to finish typing this all up though I don't have much time. Chapter 5 of WOY will be out in one or two more weeks so you have SOMETHING if anything to look forward too. Things will be coming out pretty slowly though. Hope you liked this stupid boring old chapter. I'm shoving all the angst I can into this. Well it isn't much though. Also, when you vote for your fav guy for the slimmest bit of romance in this story base it on the STORY! Not who looks cute together or who deserves who because this is in an AU. I'll start working on chapter 5 of WOY a little more. I don't have that much time to write! . I have another story idea that I stat at school. I'm probably not going to post that until after I finish a fic. I'll shut up and let you go. Do review please. Arigato! Ja! September 27, 2001 6:54 pm. 


	3. Beginning Again

Etaanaru kanashii omoide

Hi minna san! You're probably wondering why the crazy author here decided to change the title. Simple the old one was corny. So I came up with Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide (try saying it really fast). It translates roughly into Eternal Sorrowful Memories. I'm very hyper. I don't know maybe too much Chinese noodle soup that and reading a story where everyone gets drunk a lot. ^^ It's 12:38 am and I have a strange feeling I might get far in the chapter writing world. Don't forget to review! You don't know how much time I spend reading them over and over again. I just notice the mistakes in my chapters after rereading them and comparing them to what happened in the story and stuff like what I could have done better. So REVIEW! I want to make this a great story for you guys and myself. Oh yeah. Gomen Himiko-chan for making Hii-chan a werewolf. I know there isn't much new with it but I have a kawaii scene planned out if he was. September 30, 2001.

A Health Concern: Don't eat every Cherry Jolly Rancher in the house after having lots of Chinese noodle soup.

**Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide**

Chapter 2 Beginning Again 

I never understood things. Simple things like why does one plus one equal two to difficult things like why do I act the way I do? I guess that can apply to a lot of people. One thing I didn't understand was why did he act the way he did? What was he trying to achieve? I don't know of course most likely he didn't either. I keep thinking back to that day. Why did I scream? Why did I try to save Shingo? Could I have done more to protect him? 

Most likely not. Fate is cruel. Destiny is cruel too. I don't know who is worse. Considering what they had done to me in my lifetime, they are both evil toying with me. I'm but a mere puppet used by the world to achieve what they want at the unlimited price. I'm disposable. Everything important to me is disposable for the rest of the world, for humanity. I suppose we, them and I, are all tools to protect those who still possess things that our hands cannot grasp. Love, acceptance, happiness, simple things that humans take without care. I'm speaking in circles. Things I will never see again. 

Usagi stood in the cold room. The fingers of sunlight gently warmed the wooden floor touching the tips of her toes. She clutched around her cold body a wool cloak. She had found it in her closet. She didn't have much else to wear considering she wore a large T-shirt advertising a circus and a pair of someone's shorts…well maybe boxers. She didn't have much of a choice in her clothing. Her school uniform which had been in the closet had dried blood sprinkled on it and just looking at it brought memories of things she was trying to forget. She knew she couldn't though. Look at where she was, who she was sharing this mansion with. Everything seemed to be a constant reminder of that day. 

The room was empty and it was so cold she had to wonder if the mansion had heating. Her feet gently shuffled against the cold floor making her way to the refrigerator. She pulled open a metal door to stare inside of it. She wasn't terribly hungry but she wanted to eat something. She grabbed several eggs, the milk, and the butter before kicking the door shut. She set them on the counter. Her hands moved opening and closing cabinets looking for a bowl. She pulled out one triumphantly and cracked an egg open. She poured the contents of it into the bowl and began beating it until the golden yellow was constant through out it. 

Usagi began another search for a frying pan. It had taken a noticeably less amount of time to find it. She sprinkled some sugar into the egg mixture and poured it into the frying pan. As she waiting for the eggs to finish she began to make some French toast. She made a lot and returned to the refrigerator several times to pick up more eggs. She set aside a pancake mixture and cooked the pancakes in a separate pan. Much to her surprise the golden haired girl had been able to make most of them round. 

She had brought her to do something she only did with her mother. She began to bake cookies. Usagi had reduced herself to tears more than once while mixing everything together, putting the dough on the cookie sheet, even licking away the remains of cookie dough on the wooden spoon. By the time she had finished cooking everything and put the cookies into the oven, the whole mansion was filled with the scent of breakfast. The golden haired girl had set herself on setting the table. 

By the time she had finished making breakfast and setting the table for six, the whole room seem to brighten with the sun's arms reaching into the far corners of the room mixed together with the scent of baking cookies and the new found warmth of the sun. But a chill seemed to linger in the air. Usagi spotted someone standing in the doorway to the kitchen. A small smile appeared on her lips. "Ohayoo gozaimasu," her voice whispered and seemed to echo across the kitchen. 

He stepped towards the girl surveying the food that had been prepared. Bacon, sausage, pancakes, French toast, and eggs of all assortments covered the dining table. Usagi's meal came under the scrutiny of his eyes. He didn't return her greeting in any way shape or form. She didn't really mind and her smile disappeared from her face as she went to the oven to check on the cookies that were baking. They were turning a golden color and she decided to turn off the oven. Her fingers wrapped around an oven mitt and she slipped it on her hand. Usagi pulled open the oven door and pulled out the cookie sheet spilling the aroma of the cookies everywhere. 

As the girl set the cookie sheet on the counter she could hear someone running. Soon a familiar face with a braid appeared in the doorway. "Do I smell cookies?" Duo asked seeming to bounce up and down. Usagi nodded slowly in reply. A grin covered the braided boy's face and he bounded towards the breakfast table and sat down in a chair. "Come on Wu-man lighten up. Doesn't it look good?" He inhaled the scent that came from the various foods on the table. 

Wufei grumbled in reply. He had to admit it did look good but it didn't compare to the soup and the pork buns he had when he was younger. As if reading his thoughts Usagi spoke. "Wufei, if you don't like it I do know how to cook some Chinese food." Wufei grumbled about something but didn't take up on her offer. Usagi shrugged and walked over to the refrigerator. "Do you guys want anything to drink?" she questioned gazing into the large refrigerator looking at anything in it. She turned her head to look back at the boys since she didn't hear a reply. 

"Ah I really don't care," Duo sat back in his chair and turned his head to look out the window. Usagi nodded and let the door swing shut. Her feet led her back to the table and she sat down next to the braided boy. Her long golden hair gently swept against the hardwood floor as she leaned her head back basking in the morning sun. She lifted her head up as she heard footsteps. 

Her eyes fell on Hiiro, Trowa, and Quatre walking into the breakfast room. "Good morning Usagi," Quatre said politely as he walked towards the table. Usagi nodded in reply, her eyes fixed on Hiiro. She held a harsh glare in her eyes that was worse than his own. He didn't do anything in return. A smirk lingered on his lips though as he sat down across from her. Noticing the look in between the two Quatre decided to take the girl's mind off of the Japanese boy. "Usagi you really didn't have to cook all this," he motioned to the table set with the food. 

"I…" Usagi paused looking down. "I wanted to take my mind off of things." Her fingers found patterns to trace in the wood. After a while she looked up and out the window. A forest backed the woods and she found herself gazing into the green leaves and brown bark. A smile formed on her lips, Toosan would love it here. He always did like the outdoors and would always take them to the mountains for vacations when he had the chance. When he had been alive…when they all were alive. 

"I'M STARVED!" Duo grabbed a sausage off of the plate with his hands and sent it straight into his mouth on a path to his tummy. Usagi felt a smile appearing on her lips. The braided noticed the smile and a grinned found a way to his face. "Wow this is good." He reached over to pick up a piece of bacon with his fingers when he was slapped with a small metal spoon. He glared at Wufei. "I'm hungry."

"Injustice, eat with SOME manners at least." 

Usagi ignored the two and (I'm hungry too) plucked a pancake off of the plate and onto her own. She reached over and poured syrup onto the pancakes. She hesitated before sinking her fork into the pancake. Before she even lifted off of the plate she took her fork out of it and used the back of it to make designs in the syrup. For the first time she could ever remember, she didn't want to eat. She felt a hand on a calloused hand on her own and she lifted her head. "Are you all right?" Trowa questioned. 

Her eyes lowered to her plate once more. She didn't reply as her hand moved the fork over the syrup that covered the pancake. Usagi moved her head up and down in reply though it was a lie. He removed his hand from her own. She sighed and began to cut the pancake into pieces. She placed each piece in her mouth one by one. Usagi looked up as she felt someone's eyes on her. It was Hiiro with a smirk placed firmly on his face. 

Usagi didn't care much for him anymore. She picked up her plate. Syrup was still clinging tightly to the white plate. Her feet led her to the sink and she placed the plate into the sink. She began on her way back to the table, her eyes casted down. Her eyes settled on the cookies that were cooling on the counter top. Her fingers reached out and wrapped around one of the golden cookies. She lifted it up and studied it for a moment. It wasn't like how her mother made them. Why did she even think of making them at all? For comfort? For memories? For pain? She lifted the pan up a little bit. Her eyes settled on the golden rabbits and the crescent moons that a shadow had been trying to make. She flung the pan as hard as she could and it slammed against the wall scattering the cookies everywhere. What had she been thinking? Trying to return to normal while living under the same roof as those…those things? 

Her feet took her as fast as she could away from the room. She wanted to get away from the world away, from everything. She wished that the world would disappear leaving her alone in her misery. Why? Why? What had she ever done to deserve this? 

The only thing I could ever remembering doing in my life was out of my control. I don't like to speak of it because it's a horrible thing that seems to reappear wherever I try to go, whatever I try to do. It came more often as I grew. I remember the first time it had happened. I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe that it was my hands who had performed the task. It wasn't of my control! I was a demon, a monster worse than anything else that ever existed. I was a devil myself. An angel of light? Hardly. I could never be one. 

She slammed the door shut behind her, her back resting against the wood. She gazed at the room she had placed herself into. The golden haired girl's feet led her to a cabinet and she pulled open the glass door and extracted a violin. It was beautiful, the wood a deep rich brown. It didn't reflect the light the polish was dull. She noticed that the violin strings were golden and the tuning pegs were of a delicate design. The craftsmanship was so beautiful she wouldn't be surprised if the violin was over seven thousand dollars. She pulled the wooden bow out from the cabinet and shut it gently. The bow had an intricate pattern that danced up the wood. It matched the tuning pegs. Her close friend had taught her the violin a bit. She remembered how to play but she hadn't in several years. 

Usagi drew the bow across the golden strings. It made a deep rich sound that was beautiful even though it was just an open string. She started a song off slowly. Yes she hadn't played this song in so long. Her fingers moved in trills as she drew the bow across the strings emitting a deep wonderful sound. She quickened the bow strokes but the tempo was still Largo. She loved this song. It was the one that made her dream of playing the violin. She had performed it with her friend. She was a wonderful violinist. She had let the golden haired girl play the solo though. The tempo quickened and the strokes came faster having a bounce to each note and vibrato was stuck in every place she could. She could just imagine her friend at the piano and the other playing the violin with her as the song slowed back to the original tempo and her arm shifted to play the high notes gentle. It was barely audible it was so soft. 

Suddenly it changed from the beautiful notes to harsh ones and it began at the quick tempo once more. Her fingers danced over the finger board and her bow bounced as her wrist moved it. She finished off the song with the double stops and lowered the violin. (Composed by V. Monti. It's played with an orchestra usually instead of a piano. If you can tell me which song it was I'll give you an honorable mention in the next chapter author's notes and you can preread the next chapter before most people. Don't forget to add your email so I can send it to you) She felt tears threatening to spill. Her beloved friends…so far away now. Her thoughts were interrupted as clapping filled the hall when she finished the piece. It roared and whistles were blown. She lifted her head to see nothing but the small empty conservatory with instruments in glass cabinets. Her head dropped a little bit. So long ago, it seemed so distant. 

A tear gently made its way down her pale cheek. She was alone again. She brought the violin up again and started a slow song. It was beautiful and she loved it. It was one of her favorites. She started the note off on an F sharp. She could hear the piano playing the piece with her. It was in D major, the first key she had ever learned. She moved her fingers against the fingerboard as it switched into a happier tune before it fell back into the soft slow lullaby. She shifted her hand to reach the high note and continued until she held out the highest note in the song for six beats before slowing towards the end where it ended in a beautiful harmonic. 

She closed her eyes listening to the last note. When she lifted the bow off of the string she could hear someone clapping not too far away. She opened her eyes to settle on Trowa and Quatre. The blond Arabian was the one clapping though. "That was beautiful," he breathed softly. Usagi didn't say anything. "Where did you learn to play the violin?" he questioned. 

Usagi didn't say anything and looked out the window that let sunlight into the small room. "My friend," she replied after a moment. 

"It was beautiful," Quatre repeated himself. He stepped towards a glass cabinet and pulled out another violin. "Would you care to play a duet with me?" he asked. He stopped thinking for a moment. "How about Bach's Concerto for Two Violins in D minor?" 

Usagi nodded and lifted the violin and took a breath before drawing the bow across the string. They started off moving their bows quickly to the notes. Usagi could hear a flute playing along with them. Without consent from Quatre she started taking the first solo part. He followed her playing the other part. They matched perfectly neither stopping nor making a mistake. She paused when it was his turn to play the solo part. She loved this song. It had been so long since she had someone to play with her. She joined in once more both of them moving the bows across the strings. The two violins' music danced together swirling into the air of the room mixing in to perform the piece. Their hands shifted up and down the fingerboard to hit all the notes, neither stumbling nor making unnecessary noise. They ended together perfectly. Usagi was about to start the next movement when Quatre shook his head. "I think we can continue another day." 

The golden haired girl nodded and moved to place the violin away in the cabinet. She turned around to look at Quatre and Trowa. "Are you all right?" Trowa questioned. 

"You worried us when you left the kitchen suddenly," Quatre continued. Usagi nodded. 

"Gomen for worrying you I just…" she trailed off unsure of what to say. "Memories," she finished with a sigh. She looked down for a moment before returning her eyes to the two boys. "I'll be in my room." They nodded as she turned to leave the room. The door closed once more with a thud. 

"Do you think," Quatre began hesitating for a moment. "that something greater will happen to her?"

Trowa didn't reply for a moment. "Perhaps." 

The blond Arabian nodded. "I'll keep an eye on her." 

Duo looked up as the door opened. Usagi stood in the doorway staring at him before closing the door behind her. "How are you feeling?" he asked. She noticed a tray sitting on the nightstand once more. Now that she thought about it, her back ached a little bit. She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge next to Duo. 

"Fine," she replied. "My back hurts a little bit but it's nothing major." The golden haired girl had to admit, she really didn't want to drink the horrible white substance. 

"I wasn't talking about that," Duo found an interesting spot on the wall to look at. "I was talking about earlier. You know when you ran out. I was worried about you." The boy absentmindedly played with the end of his long braid. He wasn't particularly used to talking with a girl considering that he was cooped up in the mansion most of the time. The boys rarely left the mansion unless it had to do with the Others. 

Usagi didn't say anything. "Do you think that I'm a monster?" she questioned softly. She felt Duo's gaze rest on her. 

"Do I think that you're a monster?" Duo repeated the question. "What do you think I am? Insane? The day you're a monster is the day I'm Shinigami…well I am kind of." He watched as Usagi's face fell a little bit. He reached over and brushed some of her hair out of her face. "I'm kidding." The golden haired girl frowned. She mumbled something but he couldn't make it out. "You could never be a monster…there's something about you that just wouldn't let it be." 

"Arigatoo," she whispered softly. 

"No problem," The braided boy replied. "Oh about Hiiro…something's up with him." He noticed the girl's eyes move into a glare, not directed at him though. "He's been acting pretty weird since you came around." Usagi looked at the braided boy but he didn't notice. "If you ask me…he's never been anything like this but he might be feeling guilty." 

Usagi didn't say anything for a moment. "Guilty?" she echoed. 

"Yeah," Duo replied. "Why don't you go talk to him or something? He's usually not that grouchy but I think if you talked to him he might stop acting weird. Frankly he's scaring me when he smirks at you. He never smirks that much." The braided boy stood up. "The worse thing that could happen to you is that you'd be missing a finger." Usagi frowned. "I'm kidding I'm kidding. Did I ever say you look cute when you do that?" 

"Duo," Usagi growled. 

"Okay," Duo pushed his bangs out of his face. He pressed his lips against her cheek for a moment. "Give it a chance, I mean what's the worse that could happen…Hiiro never talk again? Oh wait he never does really. Scrap that." The turned to leave. "Good luck." 

Usagi watched the braided boy leave. "What just happened?" 

She had found his room by opening every single door on the upper floor. The way she found it was because it was the only one with a brown wolf sitting on the bed. Kind of made sense right? She closed the door behind her and the wolf kept his eyes on her. He let out a growl. "Gee Hiiro I'm not going to bite your head off. I'm not with the sharp teeth remember?" He only growled in reply. Usagi stepped towards the bed somewhat nervously. "Would you mind if I sat down?" Hiiro set his head on his paws once more. "I take that as a yes." The golden haired girl gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed. 

Silence filled the room for a moment. "Duo said that you felt guilty for killing Shingo and my mother." The werewolf growled. He was going to have a talk with that braided boy. "I don't know if you are or not but…" she trailed off blinking back tears. "but if you are…" she paused choosing her words. "If you are than I wanted to tell you that I would forgive you." The wolf stared at the girl. "Only if you would stop acting like a hunter who just killed the largest bear in the woods." She turned her head to the werewolf. He slowly began to change back to his human form. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. 

"It hurts," she whispered. "It hurts knowing that the person who killed what was left of your family didn't care whether you were in pain or not." She grabbed a hold of Hiiro's shirt. "Do you know how it feels? Do you know how it feels when the only people left on the planet for you are the ones who killed them." She couldn't help it and buried her face into his shirt. She didn't care at the moment that this was the person who had killed her family. "I want to die," she whispered softly. 

"Don't," she heard Hiiro's voice speak. She lifted her head. "What good can you do for the world when you're dead?" he questioned. "You can always start your life again, pick up the broken shards and piece back together what you can. But you can't when you're dead."

"I know but…there's nothing left for me."

"Then create something."

I didn't know then that those words would bring her more pain than I had ever dreamed. I didn't want to hurt her…I didn't know what it would bring. It's not like I can see the future. The one thing I had ever want to do since that moment I killed her mother was to bring back to life the girl I killed when I killed her family. I ripped part of her away leaving a shell of the girl behind. She was an innocent…one that I was supposed to protect. I only killed her in the end. I wish that I could have done more for her, to redeem for my sin. To bring the angel back from the dead. So the beginning could return again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm done this chapter…that thingy about the song Usagi played is still up. So tell me what song it was and if you get it right you'll get to see the next chapter before I post it. I hope you liked this chapter. I have to go to sleep so I can stay awake through class today! Ja! October 1, 2001 1:02 am. 


	4. Yuki

Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide

IIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna write but my brother wants to use the computer. I would be writing until like two in the morning but he's hitting me with an oven mitt right now so I'll have to write this out on paper and pencil. Life sucks. The computer is right in front of me. I wanna laptop. Can anyone donate me one right now? Ah gomen October 1, 2001 11:01 pm. 

**Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide**

Chapter 3 Yuki

** **

Sometimes I wonder why the world turn the way it does. But then again I suppose that is a stupid question but try this one…why did I do what I did. Why do I have to be this…this thing? Why do I have to kill? Why can't I bring back life instead of taking it away. But only she could do that. I'm a weakling compared to her but why would she bring back life if Fate and Destiny took her life away…when I took her life away. Why does she fight with those who killed her family? I think I know but she never told me correctly. She said she wanted to protect humans from the Others. Those who were still alive…alive as humans. 

"Create something?" Usagi echoed. "How?" 

Hiiro stared at the golden haired girl. What had he said? He internally groaned. What was he doing? He looked at her. She looked as if she was a little girl pleading for help from her father. What would he say? He didn't mean to say anything. Think Hiiro think! Say something! He didn't know what to do. "Find something for yourself," he gently brushed some of her bangs away from her face. He realized what he was doing and snatched his hand back. Usagi stared at him still her summer blue eyes meeting his cold Prussian ones. He tore his eyes away from hers and pushed her away from him. Usagi stumbled to her feet. 

The golden haired girl's feet took a step back. "Arigatoo," she whispered before turning on her heels to the door. She was thinking over his words perhaps more deeply than he wanted her to. She stopped for a moment. "Hiiro…" she paused. "I forgive you," she whispered softly before opening the door. She twisted the doorknob open and left the room, letting the door slam shut. 

If Hiiro could he would have screamed. What was he getting himself into thinking like that! He wanted to transform and go somewhere where he could tear things up but at the same time he didn't…not since he had killed her soul. He didn't want to hurt her again. He had done enough torture to her as it was…he didn't need to hurt any more people. He didn't want to be a damned anymore. Then why?

Why did he care about her so much?

What does it mean to love? What does it mean to love things that are no longer there? Why do you fall in love? What does love mean? I think I'm speaking in circles once more. But why have love when it's taken away from you? People die so easily…like Shingo…like kaasan…like toosan. Everything can disappear in a breath of the wind or a feather of the snow. So why? Why fall in love in the first place? 

Usagi found herself placed in her room gazing out the window at the forest. So lovely yet eerie at the same time. It possessed something that seemed dangerous in its branches, hiding it and shielding it from the world. Something dangerous was everywhere constantly watching over her waiting for the moment to strike and rip at her soul. It would scatter the pieces once more and she would have to pick up what shards she could without cutting herself. Slowly, one by one she would piece them back together. Then it would strike again…but when would she be unable to pick up the shards anymore. She rested her head on the cold glass of the window. When would she just be a shell? 

A knock on the door interrupted her deep brooding. "Yes?" she called out somewhat shakily. She wasn't sure why it was like that though. The door slowly creaked open and in poked in a familiar braided boy's face. A smile gently lifted onto her face as she saw the boy. He stepped into the room closing the door behind himself. Usagi turned her eyes back out the window and at the scenery laid out before her. It was…beautiful she supposed. 

"How'd it go?" he asked interrupting her thoughts once more. She nearly jumped out of her skin but of course it wasn't possible so she couldn't really. "I mean with talking with Hiiro and all that," Duo continued. 

"Oh," Usagi whispered. What would she say? How did it go? "I don't know." 

"What do you mean you don't know?" Duo asked. He cocked his head to the side and when Usagi's eyes settled on him she could barely hold in her laughter and another smile crossed her face. He smiled in return. 

Her eyes found the window once more. "I don't…yuki," she whispered her fingers gently touching the glass of the window. Snow…she hadn't seen it in so long and it was so rare but so beautiful. Lovely was the word to describe it. Lovely, serene, just…beautiful. She let memories over take her as she closed her eyes. 

_Toosan!_

_ _

_Usagi! Catch this!_

_ _

_Toosan! That wasn't fair! I'm going to get you this time!_

_ _

_SHINGO! WHY YOU-_

_ _

_Usagi you look so…hahahahaha FUNNY!_

_ _

_You just signed your death warrant Shingo!_

_ _

She didn't realize that tears had escaped her eyes until Duo's hand brushed them away. She blinked her eyes bringing her back into reality. In the time she had escaped to happier memories the snow began falling at a steadier more rapid pace. She never took notice of it until now but where was she? It had been warm in Juuban. Her mind was a mix of confused thoughts clashing in a battle for acknowledgement. Usagi found her hand in Duo's and she clasped it tightly. She was alone…utterly alone in a place all by herself without kaasan or Shingo. She could never be the happy, cheerful, carefree girl she was so long ago. So very long ago. 

The braided boy's eyes fell onto her and they stared at each other for a moment before Usagi directed her gaze outside at the white speckles of snow that was swirling about rapidly. "Do you think that it'll be a blizzard?" she questioned softly. 

She seemed as if she was dazed somewhat. "Maybe," he whispered softly. "Why?"

"Because if there's a blizzard kaasan will make hot chocolate for Shingo and I," she let a sigh escape her mouth forgetting that was in a mansion with supernatural creatures and her family was dead. Duo stared at the girl for a moment before taking her in his arms. He let the girl rest her head against his shoulder. "When will kaasan be home?" she asked as if she was a little girl. A lost little girl. 

Duo tucked some of her golden hair behind her ear. "Soon," he lied. "Soon."

When someone close to you dies…you deny it. You don't want to believe it. But when it is your mother and brother right at the same time…you don't believe it. It hurts so much. I found her body and I watched him die in front of me. The crimson blood pooled around them and then his hands…I'll never forget that sight of his hands in their blood. I forgave him…how could I not? But I can never forget that memory. That memory is etched into my mind and more than once I have woken up screaming with that image in my eyes. Usually he would come comfort me…not Hiiro. I still don't think he is comfortable confronting me with anything dealing with it. But one time it was someone else who came to stop my screams. 

"Onna would you shut up!" Wufei snapped as he entered the room. Her mouth immediately snapped shut slightly stunned that it had been him to enter her room. 

"What are you…what are you doing here? Where am I?" Usagi's vision cleared slowly and she managed to blink back her tears. "It's true isn't it." She let her body curl up underneath the sheets. 

Wufei grumbled something as he stepped towards the bed. He sighed as he sat down. For some strange reason he felt as if he was comforting a little child who had just waken up from a nightmare…well to some extent that was what was going on. "What happened?" he asked trying to hide how annoyed he really was. He could understand somewhat of what she was going through. 

Usagi pulled her body together more. "I dream of Shingo dying…over and over again. Then I see his hands in his blood. Shingo…" She buried her head into the pillow. "I just wanted to tell him how much I loved him one more time. Just one more time." She felt tears burning in her eyes and she tried to ignore them but it was hard with the images replaying over and over in her head.

"I guess you understand somewhat how I feel sometimes," Wufei muttered under his breath but Usagi caught it all. 

The girl raised her head (it's hard typing with one hand…I'm eating ^^) her golden hair sprawling out around her. Her odangos had fallen out sometime during her sleep. She stared at the Chinese vampire. "What do you mean?" she asked softly. 

Wufei cursed under his breath for letting her hear his words. "Nothing," he returned. Usagi stared at him and he gave in. "My wife died…she was torn apart by a werewolf right in front of my eyes."He looked away after he said the last words finding an interesting spot out the window to stare at. 

"Did you…" Usagi paused after Wufei turned to look at her once more. "Did you love her?" 

The Chinese boy's eyes widened a bit before they shrunk up in anger. "Of course! What do you think I am?!"

"I'm sorry," she casted her eyes down once more. They were forced back up as Wufei slammed her back into the headboard with his hands placed firmly on her shoulders. She cried out in surprise and pain. His eyes glared at her dangerously as he lowered his face closer to her. She had to admit, she was scarred to death. She could see that his fangs had grown somewhat and looked very dangerous. 

"You don't understand anything do you," he hissed. "You still think the world is perfect don't you. You think that you're at the center of it. You don't understand anything and you don't even know what's going on."

"I do NOT think the world is perfect and I KNOW I'm not the center of it!" she snapped back. "I know how it feels to have someone you love ripped away from you. Why else would I be here? Because I felt like it?" she stared Wufei in the eye. Wufei had to admit he felt some respect for her building inside of him. It wasn't every day you had an onna talking back to a vampire. "I may not have lost a husband but I've lost a mother, a father, and a brother. It's all ready too much for me." 

She was strong. I have to admit I had a lot of respect for her though I rarely did show it. I'm not one to show if I had a lot of respect for anyone. The most respect I would most likely give her is to call her onna instead of weak onna but hey it should be enough for her. She was different. Even though she looked weak on the outside she was strong. She never did attempt to kill herself. That would be weak, running away from your problems. Not once did she complain about her position in life she was just lost just like the rest of us were when we either first became one of the cursed or when we lost something. Winner…I don't really understand him. But that onna…she was strong. 

"Duo! Duo!" Usagi ran into the breakfast room. Apparently Quatre had woken up earlier and cooked breakfast. "Duo!" she ran over to the braided boy and tugged on his hand. Her expression was one of a child who had discovered Christmas presents underneath a tree. "The snow stopped!" she grabbed onto his hand, ignoring the fact that he was still eating, and dragged him out of the dining room. Her bare feet led them to the front door. She flung it open and snow fell onto the hardwood floor of the foyer. She laughed. It felt good to laugh. The cold air was refreshing and the snow was pleasing to the eye. 

The girl was about to plunge out into the snow when Duo yanked on her hand to pull her back. "Whoa Usagi, it's freezing outside."Usagi couldn't help but laugh at the face Duo had on. She shut the door reluctantly and ran back towards the breakfast room. Duo had to admit, she looked just like a little girl. He smiled as he chased her back to through the mansion, her laughter filling the usually quiet solemn air. It would remind him of a church but her laughter was pleasant like bells tolling through the air. 

Quatre shook his head as he watched the braided boy run after the scampering blond. She shrieked as she saw Hiiro leaping out at her. For some reason Quatre couldn't help but think that he had saw a smile on the Japanese boy's face. "You noticed it too?" Trowa's voice cut through the air drawing Quatre's attention to him. "Hiiro seems to be happier when she's around."

"Yui? Happy?" Wufei scoffed. 

The three boys watched as Usagi's laughter filled the air as the two werewolves were chasing her by the kitchen door once more. "You don't suppose that they're both in love with her do you?" Quatre questioned the green eyed boy.

"Love?" Wufei scoffed again though not so much.

"If not in love then they might have a crush on her," Trowa mused.

"You don't think it…it will tear us apart do you?" Quatre questioned.

"Knowing Hiiro…no."

I was wrong. Oh so wrong. It did more than drive us apart at some points. We were all dragged into it because we were a team. We were battle buddies, roommates, friends, and she…she changed our lives. I'm not saying she was bad or mean or evil or anything just that she turned our lives upside down more than once. We all changed because of her. Most likely for the better. But the way she brightened up our lives was amazing. 

Usagi dove into the snow trying to avoid a snowball that was aimed her way. It ended up hitting her back. "ITAI!" Usagi cried. She gathered some snow in her hands shaping it into a ball. She blindly threw it over the natural snow wall that the wind had formed over the past several hours. She heard a grunt and gingerly peered over the top of the snow wall. She saw someone wiping away snow from their face and immediately jumped to her feet. "LUCKY!" she cried and before she could do her victory dance four snowballs came flying her way. She immediately dropped to the snow. 

"You guys are mean!" she cried trying to shake the wet snow out of her hair and before she could someone came flying over the snow wall throwing snowballs at the golden haired girl. She let out a little shriek as she tried to shield her face but before she could a snowball hit her square in the face sending the cold powdery substance everywhere. "ITAI!" she cried once more. 

"Daijoubu ka?" a concerned voice asked. A gloved hand gently dusted her face off and her summer eyes met winter. "Gomen I didn't mean to hit so hard." 

"Da-daijoubu," she stuttered out after a moment. Her mind reminded her that it was the same hands that had been in Shingo's blood, the same hands that had killed her mother. '_I…I forgave him!' _she cried inside herself. 'But why? Why should you forgive him when he killed your family? When he took apart your life piece by piece, block by block.' Inside her mind a battle was waging. Usagi slowly reached up and put her hands on her head. The oversized glows did nothing to keep out a chill that was colder than the snowy air. 

'_Who…who are you?' _she questioned inside her mind. She barely registered the arms that were wrapped around her and concerned voices that surrounded her. '_What do you want from me?' _

'You know what I want.'

'_What? What did I ever do?' _

'You know…the car crash.'

_'I never meant for it to happen! I didn't do anything!' _

Usagi paled shaking her head. "Iie…" she whispered. 

"Usagi it'll be all right," Quatre took the girl from Hiiro and began running into the house. "She's burning up!" he called to the other four boys. He pushed through the doors of the mansion and hastily began to unbutton the oversized coat that wasn't hers. After he threw it on the floor he ran to her room as fast as he could. After the blond haired boy had tore off her shoes he tucked her into the bed. The other boys had eventually arrived into the room, some faster than others. 

"Trowa start getting some cold water and a dish cloth! Duo, get her some extra blankets! Wufei start…I don't know cooking some soup! Hiiro stay here with her. I have to get some things together!" The boy ordered before running out of the room himself. He should have foreseen this! Why? What was wrong? Why couldn't he see it? Something was wrong but with what? They couldn't have found her could they? The Others? 

I never meant for it to happen, I never wanted it, I never wanted to hurt anyone…never wanted to kill anyone. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm done this chapter! What I'm really surprised is that no one tried the contest. I'll tell you in the next chapter since no one has even attempted at it. It's by Monti and it starts of in F major/ D minor and starts in two four time and in the tempo Largo in the beginning. Um that should be enough and if it isn't my brother will be the one to preread it but that wouldn't be fair because I was listening to the piece the whole time I was writing the chapter so he knew. Anyways give a stab at it. If you name a piece that I like (which you can't really go wrong since I like a lot of classical pieces) I'll let you preread it. ^^ good luck! Ja! October 3, 2001 9:43 pm. 

_ _


	5. Hikari

Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide 

I realize that a lot of people are confused. Yes life is very confusing. If you stick with it everything will be understandable pretty soon I think. Um this chapter will explain some things but I'll let you read that for yourself. This chapter is for Ms. EB my reading teacher. You better thank her or you wouldn't be reading this write now. She's the one who handed out the assignment and told me that supernatural was considered a part of a 'tall tale' because werewolves, vampires, etc. don't really exist. So give her your thanks. If you include it in your review I'll be sure to let her know. Also, this chapter is for Mr. Riley my Social Studies teacher last year who preread the prologue like thing with the messed up names and read too far ahead. He only got through five of the original fifteen pages. Anyways lets get on with the story. Sorry about that long dedication thingy. Also I've realized that people haven't really been voting for your pick of guys. Realize that I can't really write anymore romance in this without your votes. Two of them are tied so vote please. On with the STORY! October 5, 2001 4:32 pm. 

Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide Chapter 4

**Hikari **

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So long ago. The painful memories. I suppose now is better than never to tell you. I'm still not quite sure what happened then but it became clearer as time went on. It's impossible; to forget but I accept the fact that I cannot change the past and what happened in it. I wish I could change it but it is impossible. What's in the past is in the past and you cannot change it. But you can change the future. Not every aspect of it but some parts. But that ties in heavily with some beliefs I have. I only believe in Shinigami really. Morbid person aren't I? Well I believe in Meikonmegumi (goddess of life I think). Meikonmegumi and Shinigami are the only gods I really heavily believe in. You have two set points in your life. You're born, you die, everything else is entirely up to you. Sometime other peoples births and deaths affect your life but they are parts in which you have no control in. 

But I know those two points of people's lives have changes my life too. My end point hasn't arrived yet. But it will be coming soon I'm sure. The end points of people's lives have affected me greatly. And it has happened twice. The car accident and the incident when I came home from school. They leave you with an empty soul…but you have to pick up the shards and start over again once more. I have done it far more than I had ever expected leaving me in the dark night with no stars to guide me. I've been lost so many times but I have always had someone help me, pull me out of my troubles, to comfort my broken soul. But that last time I was all alone for too long, without a soul to help me. I have so much to be thankful for that time. I had friends, I had a family, I still had my life. The second time, I had newfound friends, I still had my life. The last time though…I had nothing, utterly nothing. My soul had been a broken vase, the shards too small to glue back together. So alone…I was lost in the cold harsh winter ice fields of no where. What could I do?

I think I'm telling too much. But that time I didn't know. I was a clueless little girl. I had just turned sixteen a "big girl" or a "big koneko". Growing up so quickly was what my mother had said. It was a normal day. Go to school, meet your friends go through class. As I grew up I was taking more responsibility for my school work. I suppose I just realized what an impact it wouldhave on my life when I was an adult living on my own. Anyways I wanted to help kaasan with the house and food since Shingo couldn't work. I don't think he was really concerned with helping out financially then. He was still a kid somewhat. Let him be a kid and enjoy while he could. Unlike myself who realized that I was more of a burden than a help and of course tried to help out. But I wanted him to enjoy what he could when he could. 

So my friends and I [I finally got that down after so many times Ami corrected me] headed to the arcade I worked at for a mini celebration of a lot of games, foods, and drinks [not anything alcoholic mind you]. Motoki let us have some free food at some points since it was my birthday. He was a pretty nice guy and Makoto was gone over him…but me…no. I didn't care much for boys and romance at that point in my life. The only reasoning I had was I had concerned myself too much with other things to worry about them. I was winning the Sailor V game zipping right through all the levels. Everyone was cheering me on. I had to admit, it was the farthest I had ever gotten. Minako was yelling and cheering me on, most likely the loudest of everyone there. It was so much fun and I was so into it that when someone tapped me on the shoulder I was killed. I racked up the most points in the history of the game. Motoki told me he would treat me to another free ice cream and milk shake since I got such a high score. 

When I turned around I saw who else but Haruka and Michiru. They were smiling. Michiru had taught me the violin since I asked her to teach me. We had done a lot of concerts together with duets and accompaniments. Haruka often accompanied us on the piano. I scowled at the light blond haired woman. "Haruka-san," I whined. "I was on a roll!" 

The white blond woman laughed. I slowly slid off the barstool chair in front of the game. I started following Motoki to the café on the other side of the arcade. I walked through the doors excitedly waiting for my ice cream. What greeted me wasn't quite what I expected. "OTANJOU BIOME DETOU GOZAIMASU!" (Happy Birthday) Everyone cried. I stared at the scene laid out before me. It was wonderful! I could see a gigantic cake in front of me which was white and pink with little icing bunnies and crescent moons on it. People were there holding their drinks and most of them were strangers but I knew my friends right away. I also notice Naru in the crowd of people too. A smile immediately blossomed on my face and I gave Motoki a crushing hug. He had to have organized it all together somewhat at least. 

"Usagi cut the cake!"

"Don't forget to blow out the candles!"

I knew Makoto had made the cake just from looking at it. I blew out the candles after making my secret wish. I suppose I'll tell you since it never came true. I wished to meet the perfect guy who would always be there for me and of course love me in return. I don't think it really came true though. A laugh escaped my mouth as I began cutting out the cake and giving out pieces on the plates Motoki and his sister had out. They handed them out to everyone which was a lot of people. The café basically became a big free party. It was so much fun. Somehow someone had gotten a karaoke machine in there and we were singing and laughing. After a while around six I think Haruka decided that she should take us all for a ride in her car. Of course I immediately agreed. I loved that car but there was no way I would ever be able to drive the yellow car. 

It was fun. We were driving down beside the coast. I loved the ocean. It was so beautiful, so serene. We got out at a beach and were playing in the sand a bit even though we were in our school uniforms. The sun was setting and being there beside the ocean with the sun reaching out and touching the sand with its red and orange fingers was just beautiful. It brought joy I would never ever see again. The wind tugged at my golden hair sending it flying everywhere and just sitting there on the sandy beach watching the sun disappearing away made me content. So beautiful. "Koneko!" I heard Haruka call. "We should be going soon!"

"Hai!" I called in reply gathering my shoes together which I had taken off earlier to feel the cool sand in between my toes. I ran back to the car which was parked beside the road. We all piled into the back with Haruka and Michiru in the front. We were laughing, Minako, Rei, Makoto, and Ami. It was just a happy moment with the wind brushing past us and the sunlight fading leaving a lovely image over the ocean. Everything was so happy, my friends were there with me, the setting sun, I was sixteen. That's when it happened. Of course no one had expected it, wanted it at all. 

A tractor trailer made a turn onto the road and Haruka had pulled her car off to the side as fast as she could but we were going fast and we were driving on the shoulder. The horn blared loudly and my ears were in pain. Everyone was screaming while Haruka was gritting her teeth trying to avoid the truck and her car in control somewhat. The car swerved and jerked to the side all in the matter of seconds. Then I screamed. My ears, my head, everything was in pain. It hurt so much. The I felt it, a light from my forehead bursting forth. It was hot, burning. Everything seemed to slow even more, and then I saw it. We were going to hit the tractor trailer. 

All I remembered was the flames. They were painful, hot. Explosions were everywhere and I could hear people yelling, people screaming. The flames were hot but they didn't hurt me at all. I knew that something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong and I could do nothing to stop it. Everything was changing into something white with faint black outlines and it was all so surreal. It felt as if it wasn't really happening almost as if I was watching a movie with no sound. That was when the world went all white and then disappeared into blackness. 

When I awoke I was in a hospital. I reacted the same way I did when I awoke at Quatre's mansion. I wasn't sure, I thought it had all been a dream until I saw my mother crying. I asked her what was wrong but she couldn't find the words to tell me. So I sat there, lost and clueless. Then I remembered. The trucks, the horns, the screams, the sunset. It had been a blood moon that had been rising. I never noticed it before but the night the blood moon had been rising was the night my friends died. 

I screamed when I remembered. I cried, I wept but nothing would bring them back. They had done so much for me that day and then they left, disappearing away to the joukai, leaving me on earth…alone. When I look at my hands I see the blood of them because now I realize that my scream activated the light that killed so many friends. My hands are smeared in blood. Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako, Haruka, and Michiru were just the first speckles of blood on my hands. Now I lay in a pool of blood a torn bloodstained "angel" or so they had dubbed me. 

As I look back at myself I wish I could have saved everyone the pain and killed myself earlier. Now that I have already done all these sins, I am just a murderer. Look at me…my wings are torn and filthy. My eyes are dull when they were bright. My skin which had shone is now pale. I'm a monster, a demon. Ironic isn't it that it is I with the angel wings and those who really are the angels do not have them. I believe that real angels have no wings so don't be ashamed if you cannot see your wings, it is better that way.

Here I lay, in the pool of blood of those I have killed. Alone, in the dark, without a star in the night sky. The cold freezing winter wind pounds on me reminding me of everything horrible I have done in my life. Sometimes I wonder why I am cursed to live while those people escape to happiness. I hate myself. But I promised him I would never kill myself. I wish I had never spoken those words. I just wish to be once more pulled into a strong comforting embrace and have words of reassurance whispered in my ear. But I am a cold, torn, battered 'warrior' that was left behind when they had gone to collect the wounded. I still lie here, waiting to be taken away.

Shinigami, if you're up there hear me please. I'm tired. I'm so tired of living. Please take me away now…please…I beg of you. Let the nightmare end. Have I not served you enough? Have I not killed enough for you? Can I just merely die and be taken away to a place where my beloved friends await me? Or have they left me? Say something…tell me something…when will it end this nightmare. When will it end?

So I look at you now. You lucky bastard who doesn't have to face a life like this. Enjoy it, take nothing for granted. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of happiness you can so you can look back at them and smile. I have few memories where I can smile at. All I have to say is cherish your friends because your friends will always be there for you. I don't know what to say for advice…perhaps I shouldn't give you advice and let you explore on your own but…I don't ever want to see someone with a life like mine. It is impossible though, someone out there is suffering. But when you think of what little you have, think of what you have. Friends? Family? A house? Food? Water? Love? Enjoy it while you can and if you can life is beautiful. 

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Another very short chapter. Well this is mainly Usagi's past to clue you all in on it. I hope you liked it. People review please? I like to read them. ^^they make me laugh and smile knowing that you enjoy them. Strangely enough the only flames I have ever really gotten in my life was for TNE well it was split with ane-chan. But hey understandable. I know not everyone really likes my writing well ane-chan wrote the prologue. Oh well whatever. I was thinking of an interesting way to meet other author/readers/reviewers at anime conventions by wearing a plain white shirt with the words SilverRay written on it but I decided against it. Look for a short, screwed up Sailor Cosmos if you're ever at an anime convention. ^^ October 5, 2001 11:51 pm. 

  


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	6. Hold My Hand

Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide 

I'm like on a roll writing this fic. Don't worry, WOY isn't totally doomed and forgotten. I just have writers block. I just can't think what to write next though I know what happens afterwards! It's so annoying. But I hope you like this story. I'm trying not to make it too confusing but what good is a story with no surprises or changes? So I'm typing away on the keyboard. I just got into the feel of writing right now at 1:11 am on October 7, 2001. I have a lot of story beginners so if you want a way to get Usagi into the GWing world without having Mamoru dump her or something, let me know. I know I have one way that somehow always ends me up in another world in my dreams. Very…odd. But I hope you like this chapter! On with the story!

Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide Chapter 5 

**Hold My Hand**

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I never understood a single thing I did, why I did it. I must have been high. But if I could see her one last time I could be content. I've watched her, the lovely girl tormented by painful memories and unable to reach out to her and comfort her crying body. I wish I could do something for her. Something for the poor girl which had been tormented too many times in her life. A beautiful fallen angel. If only I could do something for her. 

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He found himself sitting on the side of her bed adjusting the cold wet cloth on her forehead. Her bangs were plastered underneath the cloth and against her pale skin. He didn't understand what he was doing. The tips of his calloused fingers gently ran over her lightly closed eyelids and traveled down the side of her smooth cheek. They traced the path where tears had fallen earlier. So beautiful.He snatched his hand back for a moment realizing what he was doing. He inwardly sighed and reached over to the night stand and plucked a bowl off of the tray. 

In the bowl was a strange smelling black liquid that Quatre had him smear on her delicate cheeks once every two hours. He would wash it off an hour after it had been streaked on the white canvas. She seemed so lifeless. He gently pulled his thumb in a line over her right cheek and it pointed downward near her ear. He mirrored it on the other side of her face. After he was done he leaned his head over beside her ear and gently kissed the smooth skin of her neck. He didn't know why he showered affection on her when she couldn't see them or react to them. He didn't understand why he did them. She didn't love him. How could she? He had killed everything important to her. 

It didn't matter really, he couldn't be with her. The moment he even said that he loved her she would be cursed. It was the way werewolves worked. The moment you spoke of your affection to the human's face, she would become a damned. He closed his eyes, nestling his head on her shoulder. She could never love a bastard like himself. He was nothing but a cold blooded murderer. No one could love someone like himself. He lifted his hand to gently caress her cheek. What would it be like to be in love with her.

Quatre sighed as he sat in his room staring at the jars of spices, herbs, blood, eyeballs, cat ears, everything imaginable…well most things. He rested his head on the book in front of him. He didn't know what to do. He had tried every concoction that would stop the fever she had. He let a sigh escape his lips as he sat up once more, rubbing his eyes. He flipped through some of the pages. There were a lot of different recipes and spells in the book but none for the ones he truly wanted. Resurrection, remove curse, undo damnation, things that would really matter in their battles. 

He stared at the pages in front of his eyes, the words blurring together. The platinum blond haired boy rested his head on his arms again closing his eyes. Sleep, maybe that is what he wanted now. 

The braided boy sat in the library, not reading though. He stared out of the window. Since Usagi had collapsed that day out in the snow the house seemed empty without her voice. Sure she had only been awake for about three or four days but those days there was light, a smile in the house, in every corner. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them once more. There seemed to be nothing much for him to do. Strangely enough there was a halt in attacks lately. When the silence without battles came there was always something worse after it. Maybe they should go into town and prepare. 

Duo stood up and stretched. That was what he would do. He headed to the door. The braided boy made a point to ask Quatre if he needed anything before he left. 

_Papa!_

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_Usagi, what do you want?_

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_Anything?!_

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_Hai_

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_Honto? Then I want this flower!_

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_A flower? _

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_Hai_

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_Here you go Usagi._

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_ARIGATOO PAPA!_

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^_^^^^_

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_Iiie, it's not TRUE! _

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_Gomen Usagi._

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_IIIEEE!_

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Usagi bolted upright in the bed, a scream emitting from her throat. She hastily wiped tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand. "Minna," she whimpered softly. She slowly lifted her hands up so she could see them…they were covered in blood. "Iie, iie," she shook her head from side to side. "IIE!" she put her hands on the side of her head feeling the blood run down her cheeks.

"Usagi!" hands themselves on her shoulders firmly shaking her. The girl looked up at the person. Her eyes met Prussian blue and she roughly shoved him away from her. She missed the look that fell through the emotionless mask. She missed the look of pain that had been hastily covered once more with a mask. 

The golden haired girl pulled her body into a tight ball. "Stay away from me," Usagi whispered, her voice hoarse. "I'll only hurt you in the end. I'll only kill you in the end." She closed her eyes trying to blink back tears that wouldn't disappear. She slowly lifted her hands in front of her so she could see them. "I've killed so many."

Hiiro raised an eyebrow but she didn't look at him. "You couldn't have killed anyone," he whispered softly letting his fingers run down the side of her cheek. "You're so innocent," he left out the second part of the sentence. Usagi didn't move though. She didn't look at the Japanese boy. "You're still human." He didn't know what was wrong with him. Was he loosing his shield, his mask against the world? All because of her. Was she breaking down his barrier with the world? 

"I don't know what I am anymore," she replied her voice soft and barely audible. 

Why couldn't anyone see it? Why couldn't anyone see the real demon I was? They called me innocent. They called me human. No I was as much, if not more, of a monster they were. Why couldn't they see…me? 

She sat beside the window looking out at the woods. Snow still covered the ground and trees but it was patchier. She sighed lowering her head, letting her long golden hair sweep around her. Quatre of course hadn't let her out of the mansion so she was cooped up inside watching the world go by. A couple of times she had found the music conservatory again and played the violin but she still hadn't found her way through the mansion perfectly. 

"How are you feeling?" a voice asked as he slid to sit down beside her. 

Usagi lifted her head for a moment to see the speaker before laying it back on her knees. "I'm fine. Just thinking…and remembering."

"Who?"

She didn't reply for a moment. "My father."

"Oh I'm sorr-"

"Don't be."

Silence fell upon the two. He looked up as her hand slipped into his. She didn't look at him but he gave her a reassuring squeeze. He watched as a tear slip down her pale cheek. One by one they fell but she never tore her eyes away from the window. She was looking for something buried deep in those woods. A secret that only the wind whispered. She was looking for an answer, a reply, reassurance that wasn't there anymore. Something that could never return.

Her fingers began to trace a pattern on the window pane. He watched intently not knowing what she was doing. Her fingers moved in a swirl, drawing lines up and down, tracing something. It began to glow a bluish color. Her hand moved up and the pattern began to form something like a blue print or a map of something. The boy stood up taking a step back. "Masaka," he whispered studying the pattern intently. 

Then Usagi slumped forward, her finger drawing a ragged line through the blue glowing pattern. It flickered once and then disappeared. 

Her powers were remarkable. It was almost as if she could predict the future or give forewarning. But the thing is that we took advantage of it using it for our own means totally forgetting about her. More than once she had collapsed because of exhaustion but after she woke up we made her go back to work. We were like slavers, never thinking for anyone but ourselves. Then the time she almost died, I realized what we were doing to her and…

Usagi sat quietly in the kitchen at the dining table. A piece of paper was in front of her and a pencil laid forgotten beside it. At the top it read "_Haikei Setsuna-san and Hotaru-chan" _nothing else followed it. A small sigh escaped her lips as she picked up the pencil.

_Haikei Setsuna-san and Hotaru-chan,_

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_O genki deska? Atashi misokoneru anata. (I miss you) Gomen nasai. Atashi no daijoubu. Atashi no zaisei (I'm alive) Shisaku tsutsuganai. (stay safe)_

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_Tsuku ai, (with love)_

_Tsukino Usagi._

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After she had signed her name she stared at the letter. She slowly began to draw the chibi form of herself in the lower right hand corner. It held a bouquet of flowers and winked at the reader. She finished drawing the last flower and began to fold it up slowly. She slipped it into the pink envelope next to where the pencil had been resting at and closed it placing a small pink heart sticker on it. She turned it over and began to write the address of their apartment on the front. She didn't leave a return address and left it sitting on the table. She would ask Quatre later if someone could mail it for her. Her gaze fell out the window at the forest behind the mansion. She sighed and rested her head on her palms. She slowly began humming a song softly to herself, her voice filling the room. On another sheet of paper she began doodling on it. She stared at the page blankly not really watching what she was doing. 

The pencil slowly scrapped across the paper as she continued humming. After several minutes she set the pencil down and blinked a few times restoring her vision back to what she was used to. She stared at the picture she drew and a small gasp escaped her throat. "Minna!" she nearly screamed at the top of her lungs. Within a few seconds five boys came scrambling into the kitchen, guns and knives drawn. Some slipped and fell but they all arrived to the kitchen table. She had a hand clasped over her mouth staring at the picture she had drawn. 

Hiiro immediately picked it up. "Masaka," he whispered under his breath. Usagi slowly lowered her head to the table resting it on the side. She felt extremely tired. "It looks like a base plan. That's their leader." 

"They don't have anything near here though," Quatre pointed out.

Duo peered over the Japanese boy's shoulder. "I don't remember anything of a base."

"Quatre are you sure there isn't a base near here?" Trowa questioned. 

The blond Arabian nodded his head. "Maybe…they know that we're here," Wufei looked thoughtful for a moment.

Duo walked over to the blond haired girl that was laying her head on the cold wood of the table. "Usagi do you think you could…" Before the braided boy could finish Usagi slowly slipped out of the chair and feel almost lifelessly on the floor. The braided boy immediately dropped to her side and pressed a hand to her forehead. "Just like last time," he muttered. "Usagi," he began to shake the girl lying on the floor. "Usagi wake up!"

Usagi felt herself spinning, falling into a black void. Her screams were swallowed up by the endless blackness the surrounded her and the only color she could see was the color of her hair fluttering after her. Her hair was loosing, out of its odangos, its prison. Suddenly the spinning stopped and she opened her eyes. Wufei was standing in front of her with his back to her. _"Usagi stay back."_

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_"Naze?"_

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_"Just do as I say!" _he snapped.

Usagi took a step back. She watched as Wufei lashed out at something but before she knew it, she saw a grayish brown blur rush back him and something sinking into her shoulder. On the opposite side of her body she could feel something sharp sinking into her teeth as her knees gave out from under her and she dropped to the ground. "_USAGI!" _Suddenly sound seemed blurred and everything was white with faint black outlines. 

She screamed and before she could stop it a light flared from her forehead. 

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Does no one like my story? Is it too confusing? Did I do something wrong? (WAIL) Minna review please! I only got one review for the last chapter. . Onegai! If I don't get a review then I'll stop the story because I have two more story ideas and two more working. REVIEW PLEASE! October 9, 2001 5:08 pm. __

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	7. Legend

Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide 

Gosh anime conventions take a lot out of you. I had a lot of fun and to my much surprise many people recognized me as Cosmos. ^^ I even duked it out with Galaxia even though she was already good. Hey ChiChiri, arigatoo Mr. Person in which we stalked and hugged your stuffed Kero-chan and Totoro. ^^ I had a lot of fun. But I wont be going to another convention until February. KATSUCON! But the strange thing is that I didn't have a complete costume and some people liked it -_-;; I was missing my sleeves, my hair was still black, my tier was a little short of a few objects, I didn't have wings or a cape (one or the other I didn't have) but still I got a lot of junk and am once more poor. Happy Birthday Vincent (Valentine). October 13, 2001 6:49 pm.

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**Etaanaru Kanashii Omoide **

**Chapter 6**

**Legend**

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I didn't know what to do anymore. I was lost, I was helpless, someone please help me…but of course my pleads will go unheard. They were then, they are now. I have to wonder, what did I ever do in my life to get this treatment, this pain, this suffering. I look to you…can you help me? If not me, can you help yourself? 

Usagi sat in her bed gazing out of the window. Quatre had confined her to the room saying that she shouldn't strain herself. She had drawn so many patterns, blacked out so many times, and nearly died at one point. Whenever she had blacked out, Hiiro was always at her bed side when she awoke. It seemed to her that he was trying to redeem for his mistake. She sighed, no matter what he did, no matter what he said, they would never come back. They couldn't. People just didn't rise up from the dead well unless you were a zombie but even with her encounter with the supernatural she didn't believe that people _could _come back from the dead. 

A tune began to escape from her mouth as she flipped the page of a book she had been gazing at. She stared at the picture that greeted her for a moment before flipping the page once more. She sighed and closed the book entitled, _Magic Spells. _It didn't particularly interest her because for one, she didn't know magic. Two, she didn't care much for rat tails, eyeballs, and frog tongues.

She pulled in front of her another book and adjusted her position by rolling onto her stomach. She placed the book on the pillow. She opened the book and it slowly creaked open as if it hadn't been open in a long time. The first words of the page she saw was _Willow Wife_. She looked back at the cover and it read Japanese Legends. She shrugged and her eyes began to read the first lines of the story.

_In a certain Japanese village there grew a great willow tree. For many generations the people loved it. In the summer it was a resting place, a place where the villagers might meet after the work and heat of the day were over, and there talk till the moonlight streamed through the branches. In winter it was like a great half-opened umbrella covered with sparkling snow. _

_Heitaro, a young farmer, lived quite near this tree, and he, more than any of his companions, had entered into a deep communion with the imposing willow. It was almost the first object he saw upon waking, and upon his return from work in the fields he looked out eagerly for its familiar form. Sometimes he would burn a joss-stick beneath its branches and kneel down and pray. _

_One day an old man of the village came to Heitaro and explained to him that the villagers were anxious to build a bridge over the river, and that they particularly wanted the great willow tree for timber. _

_"For timber?" said Heitaro, hiding his face in his hands. "My dear willow tree for a bridge, one to bear the incessant patter of feet? Never, never, old man!" _

_When Heitaro had somewhat recovered himself, he offered to give the old man some of his own trees, if he and the villagers would accept them for timber and spare the ancient willow. _

_The old man readily accepted this offer, and the willow tree continued to stand in the village as it had stood for so many years. _

_One night while Heitaro sat under the great willow he suddenly saw a beautiful woman standing close beside him, looking at him shyly, as if wanting to speak. _

_"Honorable lady," said he, "I will go home. I see you wait for some one. Heitaro is not without kindness towards those who love." _

_"He will not come now," said the woman, smiling. _

_"Can he have grown cold? Oh, how terrible when a mock love comes and leaves ashes and a grave behind!" _

_"He has not grown cold, dear lord." _

_"And yet he does not come! What strange mystery is this?" _

_"He has come! His heart has been always here, here under this willow tree." And with a radiant smile the woman disappeared. _

_Night after night they met under the old willow tree. The woman's shyness had entirely disappeared, and it seemed that she could not hear too much from Heitaro's lips in praise of the willow under which they sat. _

_One night he said to her, "Little one, will you be my wife -- you who seem to come from the very tree itself?" _

_"Yes," said the woman. "Call me Higo ("Willow") and ask no questions, for love of me. I have no father or mother, and someday you will understand." _

_Heitaro and Higo were married, and in due time they were blessed with a child, whom they called Chiyodo. Simple was their dwelling, but those it contained were the happiest people in all Japan. _

_While this happy couple went about their respective duties great news came to the village. The villagers were full of it, and it was not long before it reached Heitaro's ears. The ex-Emperor Toba wished to build a temple to Kwannon [goddess of mercy] in Kyoto, and those in authority sent far and wide for timber. The villagers said that they must contribute towards building the sacred edifice by presenting their great willow tree. All Heitaro's argument and persuasion and promise of other trees were ineffectual, for neither he nor anyone else could give as large and handsome a tree as the great willow. _

_Heitaro went home and told his wife. "Oh, wife," said he, "they are about to cut down our dear willow tree! Before I married you I could not have borne it. Having you, little one, perhaps I shall get over it someday." _

_That night Heitaro was aroused by hearing a piercing cry. _

_"Heitaro," said his wife, "it grows dark! The room is full of whispers. Are you there, Heitaro? Hark! They are cutting down the willow tree. Look how its shadow trembles in the moonlight. I am the soul of the willow tree. The villagers are killing me. Oh, how they cut and tear me to pieces! Dear Heitaro, the pain, the pain! Put your hands here, and here. Surely the blows cannot fall now!" _

_"My Willow Wife! My Willow Wife!" sobbed Heitaro. _

_"Husband," said Higo, very faintly, pressing her wet, agonized face close to his, "I am going now. Such a love as ours cannot be cut down, however fierce the blows. I shall wait for you and Chiyodo -- My hair is falling through the sky! My body is breaking!" _

_There was a loud crash outside. The great willow tree lay green and disheveled upon the ground. _

_Heitaro looked round for her he loved more than anything else in the world. His wife was gone. _(Actual Legend as far as I know)

Usagi stared at the pages that told no more than what had been written on them. She sighed, what mistakes people make when they let go of something they once loved. She closed the book not wanting to read anymore suddenly. She set the book aside and curled up underneath of the covers of the bed. Her head found a place on the pillow and she closed her eyes feeling tears gently trail down her pale cheeks. Why was she crying? Her hands slowly moved up to brush away her tears but they were shaking uncontrollably. "Naze?" she questioned harshly to deaf ears.

_Why do tears streak my face when I feel no pain. Why do I care for those who don't care about me. What kind of person am I? What kind of monster am I?_

Usagi could feel blood running down the sides of her pale cheeks mixing with the tears of her eyes. She slowly removed her hands from her face and held them out in front of her. Blood slowly trailed down staining the white sheets of her bed. "Iie," she whispered hoarsely trying to throw away the memories. _The light, the truck, the flames, the image. _"IIE!" she screamed throwing her head from side to side trying to rid it of the memories that were plaguing her. 

The door to her room was flung open violently. Usagi's head snapped up staring blankly at the person who loomed in the doorway, gun drawn. Soon it clattered to the floor as Usagi slumped against the pillows weakly. She was pulled up into strong arms. "Daijoubu deska? You're not hurt are you? What happened?" a concerned voice questioned quickly. 

"Iie…doushite? Doushite?" she murmured softly to no one in particular as her eyes remained blank. Her arms slowly wrapped around the werewolf and he shifted his eyes to look at her. "What did I do?" her head was in pain. Usagi's eyes were fixed on the blood stain that wasn't there. She could still feel the blood on her hands, the tears that ran forth. "You aren't going to leave me like them are you? Are you?"

He gently reached out and caressed her cheek with his hand. He let his lips gently touch her forehead and she leaned into his light embrace. "Never," he whispered into her ear. He watched as her eyes watched him carefully as if she was a curious child. "Never, I never want to leave you."

Usagi closed her eyes for a moment. "Honto?"

"kataiyakusoku (promise)," he whispered softly. 

The golden haired girl nodded slowly and rested her head on his shoulder. A light smile touched her lips as she closed her eyes. 

All I ever wanted was for her to smile for me. I would do everything in my power to make her happy. Just to see her smile is enough to make me happy. Every time I see her smiling I feel light hearted and I just want to smile for her in return. If only I could utter those words to her, the words that I wish to say but I'm afraid that she doesn't feel for me at all. I'm afraid she only sees me as a cold bastard who only knows how to kill. I want her to see me, the person which no one has ever seen. I want her to know that I do know emotions, that I do know how to care, that I do know how to love. That I love her.

It had been a month. A month exactly since she had first come home on that day. On that day when she found the bloody paw prints. She slowly rested her forehead on the window staring out at the forests laid out before her. A lone tear trailed slowly down her face leaving a blue glowing streak on the window. It soon began to glow red. She clenched her eyes shut as tight as she could. She was so weak! So powerless!

She didn't move as strong arms wrapped around her waist and let her body fall into the embrace. She smiled through her tears as her crystal blue eyes met blue. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly. She nodded slowly and let her hands fall into his. "That's good." She stared out the window looking at the tall looming trees in the distance, her thoughts reminding her of the legend she read. Trees…so beautiful, so strong but at the same time they were defenseless, weak, old… A sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes letting her tears dry off slowly. 

"You don't think that anything else will happen do you?" she asked after a long time of silence, gazing out at the seemingly endless forest with secrets. 

"No, not at all," his hand gently brushed away her bangs that dangled in front of her face. They moved to brush away any remaining tears that were left on her pale cheeks. After this task was done they gently caressed her cheek. A smile lingered on her face as she stared out at the green ocean. "If anything ever does happen, I'll always be with you no matter what." 

The girl didn't say anything in reply but a smile did touch her lips and it brought one to his own. "I'm glad," she whispered softly. Soon the pitter patter of rain filled the air and she watched as the droplets dropped from the weeping sky to the realm of mortals. The familiar air of dampness and coldness seeped into the mansion walking along the halls and rooms. Usagi let the cold air whirl around her causing her to shiver. His arms tightened around her to try to ward off the chill that entered the air uninvited. For some reason the girl felt helpless. 

"Duo," a restrained growl came from the door causing the braided boy and the golden haired girl to turn their heads. "Quatre wants to see you."

The braided boy nodded dropping his arms from around Usagi and the girl nearly collapsed without them. He walked out the door glaring at the Japanese boy on his way out. Hiiro was immediately at Usagi's side taking her into his arms. "Daijoubu deska?" he questioned. 

She nodded slowly in reply her eyes helplessly lost in his cold icy ones. The golden haired girl buried her face into his chest the feeling of cold and helplessness still wrapped tightly around her. Hiiro tightened his arms around her too. "You're cold," he stated, it wasn't a question. He swept the girl up into his arms but she struggled out of his grasp suddenly almost dropping to the floor. She quickly scrambled to the rain stained window. Usagi stared at the red streak her tear had left. A raindrop hit the window causing it to drip like…

…like blood.

"Iie," she whispered stumbling away from the fading streak. She bumped into the Japanese boy behind her and fell. "Someone's…someone's…someone is going to die."

"Nani?"

"Someone will die."

If only, if only I listened to her…maybe…maybe she would still be alive. Why did you have to leave like that?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I know the chapter is shorter than normal but I want to end it like that. I hope you like how it's going and I hope it isn't too confusing. I think things will be clearer next chapter. Until then. Ja! October 13, 2001 8:53 pm.


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